Fear.... sad

Dear Walle,
Because of yesterday incident, my body started to get tired.Seriously,
I really feel tired of this. At that moment, my body shivered, my mind was
blank. I felt that everything I would do would turn to no avail. I was
feared. I kneeled, pleased and tried what I could do at that moment. But seriously
he was angry. My brother, held his hp, keying the police station number, I stopped
him. Did I did wrongly? What happened if he really called the police. I knew
that I was the one supposed to do so, I did not want my brother will be hatred by him
forever. It would be fine if he hates me. Well, all the while, he love my brother a lot.
He was proud of my brother. My brother shined in everything, academically wise, and even
his attitudes towards him.But my mother burst in tears, I was really frustrated. I even
called my brother to find a dettol for me, just to killed myself in front of him. Will he
be guilty? I doubt so. But at least, there may be a 0.0001% of him regretting on such. But,
I couldnt find it. I saw him taking the long sword, threw that in front of my mother,
daring her to killed herself. At that moment, I shouted. He growled at me, daring me if I
said another single word, he would kill my mother in front of me. I felt useless. At that
moment, the feeling of helpless really terrible.

He held a bottle of XO, keep pouring into his mouth. My mother pleased him stop drinking. He
yelled, told him is non of her business. That moment, I knew that he wanted
to attract attention, the more you call him not to drink, the more he drank. Keep saying, it was
not our business. After finished one bottle, he shouted to me loudly, called me to take
another bottle for him. I even treathen me if I not going to obey him, he will take the
knife and pointed to my mother. At that moment, I knew that he would do anything, no
choice but to listen. At first I took a beer to him, he yelled. He called me to take
another XO. I took, the biggest and unopened bottle. Thinking in heart, you better finished
the whole thing and go drunk. He even get mad the moment he saw me took that, he asked me, "Do
you think I really don't finish it?" Straight away, he poured that into his mouth again.
I thought that in heart, go ahead, as long as you don't hurt mummy, I wouldn't care anything.

Kept on nagging and shouting, with his red face, but basically I was not listening. I knew that
as long as my brother was there, he would said much more gentle as usual. This wasn't the first
time having such argument. But this is the first time he was less shouting, because my brother was
at present. But, towards me, he bombarded lot of unpleasant words, even foul language. I was not affected
in his words, the only thing agigated me was, the moment he shouted and even split saliva towards my
mother. A fire rose from my heart, seriously, if he did that again, I wouldn't know what I would do.

Finally ended he was drunk. What after that was, my brother and I dragged him to the mattress. He was
really heavy. Afterall, he was still my dad. I was angry, and seriously I was sad, but he was still my dad.
Dear mama, if one day really I will marry, I will bring you along, bringing you around the world,
somewhere you will feel much more happier and I would give you a grandchild, letting you feel happy
and loved. Can you let wait for me to grow bigger? Walle, will you wait for me and bear with me?
Can you love me forever, not letting me go? I was alone, I was scare, please.... stay along with me.