Friday april 30th

Dear walle,
almost 2 months you havent view this page.
I guess you have almost forgotten what we had own..
I had been here for 2 months.
I love to have your companion,
meanwhile I know that I may not suit you.
I know that there are many good girls out there waiting for you.
I am not jealous of Flora or others,
because I know that I am not good enough.
All the while, with my depression,
I know that this creates a lots of problems between us.
Do you know that I really love you alot?
I really do.

However, do you love me the same as well?
I doubt when will you view our blog again?
Perhaps the day I am no longer here,
just like my best friend, Lynn who had just passed away.
She ended her life, leaving me alone,
I wonder if I would to do the same,
would you almost think of me as well?

I love you hubby.
I will continue stay on,
but seriously I would not know how long will this last.
I remember the Saturday,where you agreed to break up with me.
It really hurts,
till today.
Every single I had been trying hard not to tell you how pain I was.
Seriously that incident really affected me a lot.
I wanted to commit suicide most of the time,
however I know that my mother will blame herself as she agreed to send me here to study.
I do not want to let her bear such consequence that everyone pointed at her,
and blame her for everything.
Perhaps I am just too stress up for my exam C.
Or perhaps I havent recover from my depression.
I wouldnt know what depression actually is,
but what I know that I wanted to cry most of the time.
No much reason of it,
just the feeling of letting go my tears.

Hubby,
actually I really looking forward for your first "honeymoon" in Sydney.
and I really love you alot.
Today is kinda of whole day couldnt see you due to your seminar.
I just miss you too much

Eva